June 6, 2014
My little world is quiet, hushed, and still, and waiting for a new day to dawn with the sunrise. Somewhere in the distance, I hear a cricket, or maybe a cicada, singing its middle-of-a-summer-night lullaby. And I hear my little one breathe and coo and sigh contentedly as he suckles at my breast. A lullaby and a balm to my soul.
The world around me sleeps as the cool night air refreshes the earth. In a few hours, dew drops will sparkle like shimmering glass as the sun casts its first light on this new day, but for now, all is dark and nearly silent, unaware of that moment when the late hours of the night give way to the early hours of the morning.
My son cuddles close to me, sleepy eyes fight wakefulness and he sighs heavily. The two of us, just the two of us are awake at this late, yet early hour. These moments in the dark of night, they are tiring, draining on my body and mind. But they are precious to me. I treasure these moments, hold them dear to my heart.
He smells of subtle sweetness, a scent unique to him, but I know it so well. He sounds like newborn hallelujahs, his coos and noises are as glorious to me as a symphony of praise.
My body and mind are tired, sleeplessness and the pursuit of motherhood has worn me down. I am tempted to wish him to hurry along: “Eat up so Mommy can go back to bed!” I think silently to myself – my body needs to rest. But my heart soars with joy and thankfulness, knowing full well that these days are precious, and these nights are priceless. And really, I don’t want to hurry them by.
And I remind myself that this is kingdom work. Being faithful to this holy calling of motherhood honors God, even in the late-night feedings.
These moments of just the two of us – my son and me – He is here with us. His Spirit sustains me and His presence surrounds me. I offer my own quiet, feeble hallelujah for this is holy ground, for these are sacred moments. And I don’t want to wish these moments away just for the sake of a few more minutes of sleep.
I breathe a silent prayer of thankfulness and ask for strength and wisdom for the day that awaits. And I realize this is the very best kind of weariness. Because when I am weak He is strong.